Actually I'm Just Ali

Baby Mayan

2010-08-06T17:41:00.002-05:00

My friend from law school asked me to post this message. Please keep Baby Mayan and her family in your thoughts and prayers!

Baby Mayan is three months old and is about to leave to Chicago to see a number of doctors and specialists. She has three health concerns that have been weighing on us (and her) and we are excited and nervous about getting them treated. What is wrong with baby Mayan? She has an orbital hemangioma (fancy name for a collection of blood vessels near her eye) that is growing fast. This mass is putting pressure on her eye, which has pushed it out of shape to such an extent that she cannot see very well. If we do not treat this soon there is the risk that she will never be able to see out of that eye. Therefore, we are taking her to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago to have it treated by their dermatology specialists. Please pray for her as this procedure involves a number of tests (some that need to be performed under anesthesia) and a brief hospitalization. As her mommy, I am nervous for her, but trusting that God will look after this precious little one.

On a less scary note, but still worrisome, Mayan has been having diarrhea since July 10th with no end in sight. She is going to be worked up by the gastroenterologists at Children's Memorial Hospital as well, to see if they can find a solution. I would LOVE to be able to feed her something that does not make her little tummy hurt and give her diarrhea. She is thriving... but very sad after meals and has terrible diapers. That can't be right. Also, Mayan squeaks. Yes. You heard that right. More technically speaking she has strider, and we are not sure if it is due to tracheomalacia or a laryngeal hemangioma. Because of this she is going to have to have some tests done to make sure her airway is clear. Not fun. Involves putting a scope down her nose and looking into her throat and down into her lungs. She had it done once before and I had to hold her during the procedure. Not looking forward to that again.

If you would be willing to pray for our sweet baby Mayan I know that our family would be SO grateful! I created a blog that will keep people up to date on what is going on with her as we travel and get treatment performed this month. The address is: http://mayansadventure.blogspot.com/

Because My Life Didn't End After I Said My Vows

2010-04-21T00:00:00.003-05:00

I haven't blogged in forever. In the blogosphere enviroment, last October/November is forever (don't roll your eyes at my exaggeration). Lots has happened since I took the plunge and got married. A quick list of what has happened just to catch everyone up:

Matt and I went on our honeymoon to Riviera Maya in October. Our resort was fantastic and the food was fancy and we had a swim out room. Snorkeling in Mexico is on the list as one of the best days of my life, much to Matt's surprise who couldn't believe that I loved something like that so much (nor really could I since nature and I have never really seen eye to eye). We celebrated my 28th birthday there by fittingly dining on sushi and stirfry at the resort's Japanese restuarant. It was perfect and Matt planned it almost all on his own while traveling the entire summer for work (I think he was home maybe a total of two weeks before the week of our wedding).

As soon as we got back, I got started the name change process which still wakes me up in the middle of the night in terror. It sucks folks and sometimes I still sign the wrong last name but all in all I'm very happy to be Alicia Oliver Leonard. I dropped my middle name and subbed in my
maiden name because I just couldn't part with it (as sappy and pathetic as it may be, there's something about Oliver being in my name that makes me feel close to my dad) and I never liked my middle name (I mean Paulette is something out of a 50's movie...no offense to anyone whose name is Paulette, I'm sure you're lovely, it just didn't fit me). Note this confuses a lot of people but hell when didn't my name not confuse others? (My first name is spelled like Alicia, pronounced my Alyssa, and my whole life I've gotten used to responding to any variation that starts with the first two letters). No, it's not hyphenated and yes you can abandon your middle name, I promise. I've done everything but change my passport...which I need to do but have been dragging my feet because I don't want to take another passport photo. I'm attached to my old one, but I digress.

In November, we bought a Minature Schnauzer on impulse that we fell in love with, named her Cortana after a character in Halo, and became proud puppy parents. She's changed my world for the better and I didn't think it was possible to love a puppy as much as I love her (and yes, I'm sorry for teasing my friends with pets for constantly gushing about their dog and making fun of doggie daycare because Cortana goes at least once a week). She makes me optimistic and brave and I figured if I could get through potty training her truimphantly, I could do anything. Which leads me to what I decided to do in January.

In January, I quit my job as a prosecutor. Yes, I quit my job in the worst economy since the Great Depression and decided to chase a dream I didn't really know I had until one day I started talking to Matt about what maybe I could do someday. And then someday became today, and I decided that if I was ever going to try now was the time to do it, before I had kids or a mortgage that got in the way and while I had a husband who believed in me and had a steady job to help keep us afloat and if I failed...I failed but at least I tried right, right? Okay let me cut to chase because I know the suspense is killing you, I opened up my own law practice.

Alicia Oliver Leonard at Law, P.C. (it has a nice ring to it if I do say so myself) was born on March 15, 2010 after spending a couple months trying to figure out how to incorporate myself and watching bad daytime tv (Maury, I'm no longer interested in who the father is...you've done that show like 20 million times already...and yet I watch it if I'm flipping through the channels after getting sick of the ladies on The View fighting about the travesty of Shannon Doherty being eliminated on Dancing with Stars). I'm focusing on what I know, criminal law, and what I was always interested in during law school, family law. And I'm excited, and overwhelmed, and terrified, but at least someday, no matter what the outcome is, I'll be able to say that I never let fear, or anything else for that matter, stop me from chasing a dream . And I think that's something that will matter in ten years to me and really there are so few things I do in my daily life that will really matter later in my life.

So now it's April, and the weather is beautiful (but it could still snow, I do live in Illinois) and my days are filled with building my business, playing with Cortana, and hanging out with my husband when he's not working. I think you could say "And they lived happily ever after", even though there are still days that aren't happy, or perfect, or bearable, because life is about the journey and I think I'm on the right road.

Our Vows

2009-10-26T10:58:00.003-05:00

I got a lot of feedback about our vows after the wedding and thought I would post them. Originally, Matt and I were going to write our own vows and reveal them on the wedding day during the ceremony. This idea made Matt literally want to break out into hives and after some discussion we worked on our vows together (i.e. he sat with me while I combined vows I found I liked and added in some of my own flair and approved the final copy). So here they are:

I, Alicia Paulette Oliver, promise you, Matthew Donald Leonard, to love and care for you and try in every way to be worthy of your love
I promise to encourage your compassion, because that is what makes you unique and wonderful
I promise to nurture your dreams, because through them your soul shines
I promise to help shoulder our challenges, for there is nothing we cannot face if we stand together
I promise to be your partner in all things, not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole
I will always laugh with you in the good times and the bad times and remember every moment I spend with you is precious
I promise to you that love, trust, and honesty will be the basis of our relationship, for one lifetime with you could never be enough.
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things.

Ring Ceremony:

Take this ring as a sign of my love and affection and the vows I have spoken today. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side, that I will always be a faithful partner to you, and that I will love you now and forever.

The Tie That Binds

2009-09-16T00:21:00.004-05:00

Sometimes we look back, at the people we once knew and wonder what would it be like if I knew you now. What would your life be like if that person was in it? I'm a firm believer people drift in and out of our lives for a reason. They teach us lessons and leave or maybe they teach us lessons and go...but they all teach us lessons. And some of my greatest life lessons have been taught by people that frankly I'm probably not going to talk to again.

I've read a lot of articles about how Facebook, as a social network, makes us feel more connected to people. That really the idea of friending people and let's face it stalking them online actually makes us more socially detached. We're spending time watching others, maybe not even communicating with them, when we could be spending that time communicating with the people who are actually still in our lives. But I think the real reason people often friend people who they haven't seen forever, people who have faded from there lives, is that they're curious. Curious about that person's life, who that person has become without them being there.

I think we're all kinda narcisstic. Our lives revolve around ourselves mostly, every once in a while around someone else, but mostly it's all about our selfish selves. Internally, I think we all wonder about how we have impacted other people's lives and how they live with out us. Admit it, you've spent passing moments, maybe hours of your life, thinking about whether that long lost love still thinks about you, what they did the day after you left or they left (maybe what they did the month or year after). Heck, I bet you've wondered that about people who you've dated for like minute. And why do we do this?

We all want to believe we've changed the people around us, even if they're no longer around us. We're curious kittens who like to see what people are doing without really being in their lives and Facebook is a nice little fishbowl that has been created to allow you to this without communicating (even though it is ironically a social network). It's the tie that binds us all to every person we've ever met...How did I impact you? What do you do without me in your world? Did I ever matter enough to you to effect you when I'm no longer there? It's heartbreaking really when you think about it.

Pardon Me While I Get A Bit Snarky

2009-09-09T22:36:00.004-05:00

Every once in a while, even Little Miss Sunshine decides to look at the world and be like WTF. Today, I'm going there.

1. If you drive a two seated convertable, I'm going to make a few conclusions about you without knowing anything about you at all. 1) You're probably having a midlife crisis 2) Most likely your a pretentious person 3) Both 1 and 2 could possibly apply to you at the same time. I always see middle aged men driving these cars bald head gleaming possibly with a middle aged woman with a baseball cap and I just want to scream "Who exactly do you think your kidding? Not me buddy, not me." This car is usually not red, no they want to be more subtle. Opting for silver or black, they think that no one will notice they're not twenty-five, or hot, or interesting, but dear two seated convertable owner, I'm on to you. You, my friend (heck, you're not my friend, I'm making fun of you), are in the middle of a midlife crisis. Save your money, go to therapy, you will never be in your twenties again.

2. The Rockford Register Star. If you live in R-town, you'll understand what I'm about to snark about. The writing is terrible, the facts in the stories are worse, sometimes when I've gone to an event they have written about I wonder if the reporter majored in fictional writing. Now, I'm a lawyer, I don't think there's such thing as an unbiased resitation of any fact pattern, but let's at least try to pretend, since last time I checked that's what journalists strive to do (that's what they "take pride in"). Headlines like "Backers: Firefighter being treated unfairly" and "200 in March 'Want Justice'" probably don't convey that whole unbiased thing your going for. Not to mention, the Editorial Board hates public workers which leads me to my next snarky remark.

3. I know the Economy sucks. I get it. However, I don't understand for the life of me why we must take so many pot shots at anyone who works for the government. Here's the deal, those government workers when the economy is good don't get raises and bonuses like the folks out there in the public sector. No one leads the charge to raise our pay. But let me tell you, as soon as the economy tanks, all I hear is how everyone wants the people with government jobs to suffer just as badly as they are. Guess what folks, even when the economy is bad, you still make more than I do at my little government job. Try to hire a lawyer who will work for roughly $25.00 an hour and if they work more than forty hours a week, which they all do, make less than that hourly. I challenge you to go call an attorney and ask if they will work for that hourly. My bet is that they A) laugh till they cry and/or B) hang up on you. And if you want the market forces to work in the criminal justice system people, business is booming as the economy is tanking. There's more business, more work, so if we look at it as a business, everyone in the criminal justice system should make more. Bottom line, don't be a hater.

4. I promise Obama is not trying to euthanize your grandmother. Health care should be a right not a privilege and as someone who has health insurance let me enlighten everyone else that also has it. Until we do something to reform the current health care situation, those with health insurance will continue to pay for those who don't have it and be at the mercy of people who want nothing more than to try to figure out how not to pay out to providers and stick you with the cost as well. I keep hearing I don't want the government between me and my doctor, folks, right now we have your health insurance provider between you and your doctor. Reform is needed, we can all agree on that. Let's take that common ground we have and work for a solution without worrying about which party is going to get the credit for it or how much you like or dislike President Obama.

5. Customer service...it makes me want to come back to your business. What doesn't make me want to come back to your business and spend my hard earned albeit little money. If you're a hostess at Chili's your entire job is to welcome me to the restaurant and seat me as quickly as possible. It's not acceptable to tell me "Just a minute" after you've been three feet away from me in a lobby with only one other couple (sitting down waiting to be sat) for the last five minutes (you've already had just a minute) and when you ask where I want to sit because it would be in your best interest not to make some snotty retort back to me when I point out that there are plenty of open seats I can visually see in both the dining room and the bar. I don't want to come back to Chili's to eat in the restaurant (I'll just order out my food from there and you won't see my money when you get tipped out by the servers later that night) and odds are I'm probably going to tell your manager how you can't even say "Hello, Welcome to Chili's" when I walked through the door. Additionally, if I'm calling your business I expect to A) not have it ring 25 times before you answer B)Talk to a human being C) to be transferred to the right department D)for that phone not to have to ring 25 or more times before someone answers or I finally have to start the process over because I can't stand to hear the phone ring one more time. Dear Walmart, you failed that test miserable as well as your other axises of evil such as Comcast, Nicor, and ComEd.

So there's a little bit of snark for you, sometimes it just feels good to let it out.

What's In A Name?

2009-08-26T09:54:00.004-05:00

My whole life I've had a love/hate relationship with my name. As a child, I was constantly picked on for it. As an adult, I've made it my own. But throughout my life, it's really been a huge part of my identity.

My name started out as a story I've been told and will tell my children (if I ever have them). Both my parents were very close to their grandmothers. My mother took care of her grandmother throughout her adolscence. She gave up her bed for her and sleeping on the couch in the living room for years so she could be more comfortable and in exchange her grandmother gave her attention and love that my mom had never known before in her turbulant short life. Her grandmother's name was Alice (and coincidentially enough her other grandmother's name was Allison).

My father had a close relationship with is grandmother as well. He spent the summers with her in Kentucky every year and for an airforce brat, her home was a safe haven for him where he could just be a kid. She was probably the most influential adult my dad ever had and I think in a lot of ways she made him the man who was a wonderful father to me. As a side note, my mother also adored my great grandmother.

So to make a long story short, they both wanted to name me after there grandmothers...and decided since they couldn't name me after either, they wouldn't name me after anyone. My mother came up with the name Alyssa (spelled like Alicia, but pronounced like Alyssa)...she's a creative lady and did I mention she's smart? After I was born, my dad was talking to a English professor at Rockford College about my name and mentioned the way my mother had chosen to spell it. The professor remarked to him "Oh, did you know that Alicia is Hebrew for Alice". To which my father replied, "Oh....She got me".

As a child, I spent my life correcting teachers and anyone one who would read my name from a piece of paper. I would say "It's not pronounced Alicia, it's pronounced Alyssa". I was teased and harrassed about my name forever, cause that's what kids do. They make fun of anything and everything and this was my cross to bear. In college, I caught on and would tell professors to write my name phoentically on the seating chart or I just would respond to the wrong pronounciation...I knew they were talking to me.

In law school, I took my name into my own hands. I decided that I was going my Ali (my parents had meant that to be my nickname as a kid, it just didn't catch on). I like the way Ali Oliver sounds and Lord, it's easier for everyone involved including me. It confuses people I grew up with and my college friends, but most of them have caught on and humored me.

Now as I prepare to get married, my name is going to change again and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I love the idea of being a family with Matt and if I do ever have children I'd like to have the same last name. But all the things I've earned, those pieces of paper framed on my wall in my office all say Alicia Paulette Oliver...not Alicia Oliver Leonard. I've worked long and hard professionally to be known and I wonder if I'm giving up something by changing my name.

Now I know they're are benefits and I know relationships are about sacrifices, but I can't help wondering "Are we, as women, giving up our identity for the sake of tradition?" and "Am I compromising who I am publically because it's what our society does?" Part of who I am, something I cling to, is the radical idea that women and men are made equally and should be treated equally. I'm a feminist in every sense of the word. I have a career I take pride in (and btw I think being a stay at home mom is a career that women should take pride in too...it's way more work than I can ever dream of), I've lived on my own, I have a quote posted on the inside of my door about the pay gap between men and women...and I'm changing my name while Matt is keeping his intact.

And let's all be honest, it's not fair (though what in life is?). I don't know any man who's taken his wife's last name and left his completely behind (though I have known one man who changed his name and adopted his wife's last name along with keeping his own). I'm going to have to make a million phone calls and fill out a million forms when I change it (I'll change every account I have personally and professionally) and Matt's going to have to go talk to HR at work to change his marital status and emergency contact. It's a societal double standard and I'm playing into that...so I feel conflicted, but I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not hypenating because frankly I don't want to write that much out (and I'll still have to legally change it).

I'm not complaining (nothing makes me happier than marrying Matt), I'm discussing...why as women are we obligated to change something so concrete to our identity for the sake of forming a family?

Last week was the anniversary of women getting the right to vote in the United States...it's a proud day that should be celebrated by everyone throughout the country. It was the beginning that allowed every woman in the USA to dream of being seen as more than property but as a person with a voice, a dream, and a goal. Everyone is allowed to make there own decisions but let's have a discussion about why we make the choices we do because so many women fought for years to allow us to have a voice.

To me there's something about the idea of sharing a last name that cements the foundation of forming a family...it's attractive and frightening and new. But like most decisions there's drawbacks that I've thought a lot about. I think at the end of the day, I'm going to change my name and that's going to change me a little. In the end, it's about taking chances for better or for worse...but this one's for better

Fearless

2009-08-08T00:25:00.002-05:00

I just saw the movie "Julie and Julia" which I loved. Meryl (yes we're on a first name basis) gives a wonderful performance as Julia Child and Amy Adams is adorable as Julie Powell the lost wide eyed governmental worker who loves to cook and learns to blog. I'd recommend it, though, it might be a good rental since it would be nice to be able to drink a glass of wine along with the movie (I was craving a glass of wine as I watched Julia eat French food).

The idea of the movie is that people can be who they aspire to be after all "Julia Child wasn't always Julia Child" and for a late twenty-something this is a message that inspires hope. I went to the movie with two of my favorite people, Beth Hoffmann and Laura Hunt. Beth and Laura are two fabulous wonderful super cool ladies who happen to be lawyers...who happen to be lawyers who are brave enough to start there own practices.

Now ladies and gentlemen (if there are any gentlemen who read my blog and I guess by saying ladies I'm assuming someone reads my blog...which might really be a fallacy but anyways), if your not a lawyer you might not know how much bravery it takes to start your own practice (something I'm not brave enough to do...and probably won't ever be brave enough to do). But these ladies are fearless.

Beth is working on a immigration practice and hearing about all the things involved in immigration law never ceases to amaze me (I'm literally in awe when I hear her speak about green cards and all that jazz). Her website isn't up yet...but as soon as it is I'll post it...because not only is she brave, she's intelligent and hardworking and if your looking for someone in immigration law she's your lady.

Laura is opening up a general practice doing a little bit of everything (criminal, trusts and estates, real estate. etc). She's equally fabulous not to mention fearless. She's working on her website (which already rocks) so go check it out at www.laurahuntlaw.com .

So yes, I'm bragging about my wonderful friends, I'm allowed to do that on my blog and they inspire me...but really think about it, whose the person you've dreamed you could be and what's stopping you from being that person? Everyone whose famous or really good at what they do, once upon a time, they weren't famous or really good at what they did. They just kept working at it, fearlessly, and it happened. Someone told me this week that we only have one life and we need to enjoy living it...we need to be fearless in living it.

Now the obvious question is....Ali whose the person you've dreamed of being and what's stopping you? And why is that the question...because it's my blog and let's face it blogs by there very nature are narcissistic and self absorded. The answer...I have no idea. I kind of think I've yet to find something I'm really good at. That thing that sets me apart from other people and that I'm confident about and passionate about and I could really live for. But I'm going to keep on trying to find it because at forty it wasn't too late for Julia Child to find her passion and at twenty-seven it's not to late to figure out what I'm meant to be.

Where Would I Be Without You

2009-07-09T23:06:00.004-05:00

There's nothing like a glass of wine to take on a trip down memory lane...tonight I'm allowing myself one. A fragmented, stream of consciousness, it's been a long strange trip kind of journey that maybe helps me (and you make sense of who the hell I am, or at least who the hell I think I am)

There's this Eric Church song I really like (and bonus if you can name it) that says " I never woulda made it this far on my own. Where would we all be without those, fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, the friends I’ve made, the long lost lovers? I wouldn’t be who I am today, if not for those I’ve loved along the way along the way." Hint the name of the song is listed in the lyrics.

I digress, I'm three months away from getting married to the man of my dreams...he's normal, and wonderful, and somehow think I'm special...in a good way (and I secretly have a feeling that the people who know us wonder how I was lucky enough to manage to end up with him...but somehow I did). But I'm not the person I was three years ago, or seven years ago, or ten years ago...and the people around me have forever changed me...I'd like to say even for the better ;)

Romantic relationships change us and shape us and I've learned a few things that helped me find Mr. Right...who maybe started out even at Mr. Right Now but ended up as Mr. Right Forever.

1. If you can't be yourself, your clingy, at your worst, I don't get how someone could ever love me self, your not with the right person. The right person sees the crazy, maybe is scared of the crazy, but sticks around because they can't imagine their life without the crazy. I come with a lot of crazy.

2. Just because someone you love or were in love with did something terrible...it doesn't mean they're a bad person...it doesn't mean you should be with them...but it doesn't mean that everything good they have ever done for you and the times they stood with you when no one else did are cancelled out. Remember that they're is a reason you love, loved, or were in love with them...

3. Just because you love, loved, or were in love with the person described in number 3 doesn't mean that you are never going to find someone wonderful, someone different than the person in number 3...but folks, it's probably going to take a while.

4. A clean break is a good thing. Forget the phone calls after break-ups or the "well were still friend's dinner"...now is the time to take care of yourself. It's over, let it be over.

5. People can have more than one soulmate...I promise you they can. Your soulmates change as you change...give yourself permission to recognize this.

6. Don't ever date your friends ex-boyfriends. It doesn't matter if they're your good friend and you think you know them, there are no excuses here. Not only is it shitty to date your friend's ex because it completely disregards there feelings and makes you less of a person, there is a reason your friend isn't with them and they broke up...it most likely will be the demise of your relationship with that person too. One word heartache all around...don't do it.

7. Love will come to you when you least expect it. You're not going to find it when your looking...it's fun to look but it usually falls out of the sky. In my case, something bad has happened and I'm just trying to escape whatever it is.

8. Give people second chances...let me rephrase this, give people second chances who are worth giving second chances too. This requires listening to your heart and not your head and it's dangerous but do it anyway.

9. People make mistakes, you do too, not every bump along the way is equivalent to nuclear fall out. Give him a break (maybe even give him a break when you're not really upset but you think you should be upset about the situation and you have a choice whether to throw a fit or let it go)...I need to remember this one on the days I'm not drinking a glass of wine ;)

10. At the end of the day, there is always the moment when you know that this is the beginning of the end of your relationship...be brave and face that moment with honesty...it'll be better for both of you in the end even though at the beginning of the end it doesn't feel that way.

11. Sometimes when someone is giving you the run around and you know they don't want to be with you anymore it's best to break up with yourself and end the relationship. I did this once...it worked out well for both of us...well it worked out well for me, I don't think I've spoken to him since I broke up with myself for him.

12. Loving someone is about wanting them to be happy, with or without you (sometimes you learn the biggest lessons in high school afterall)

Good night memory lane...I'm sure you'll strike back another night...but for tonight...good night and good luck

And You Said I Wasn't Creative

2009-04-12T18:55:00.003-05:00

This evening, I decided to experiment. Everyone once in a while, I like to toy around in the kitchen and make my own creations. Thus, I tried my hand at a soup...and I have to say I'm very pleased.

I used a carton of chicken broth straight from the grocery store...I needed a trusted base.

Then three blood oranges with a tablespoon of olive oil and some fresh garlic. I put these three ingredients in the food processor and voila...creative and yummy combo. (I've used this of chicken before as a marinade...equally fabulous)

I cut up two green onions and some fresh cilantro.

Combine everything and add some salt.

Super easy, low calorie, delicious soup...I'm kinda proud of myself.

I'm So Over March

2009-03-31T22:50:00.003-05:00

I don't know about anyone else...but I'm glad March is over. It's been wet and cold and over all yucky. I'm looking forward to days with flip flops, and tank tops, and shorts that say Pink on the back of them (I own copious amounts of these shorts).

I'm hoping to find in the month of April:

1. Motivation to work out (I do need to fit into a wedding dress in October, and it would be nice if I could look at the pictures later without crying about my weight...not to mention it is fun to go swimming in the summer and not cry when wearing a swim suit...do you notice the whole crying aspect of this?)

2. The ability to separate my work life from my home life and find the proper balance. I'm thinking about doing some reading about mediation and relaxation techniques. I need to try and remember I'm working to live, not living to work. Maybe I should start chanting that like a mantra daily...

3. Some new jeans that I can love as much as the two pairs of jeans that I own that I practically live in (one pair I've had since college and the other pair I bought last year from American Eagle)

4. A DJ...I need to do this ASAP, and I keep putting it off. I hate cold calling people and asking for prices...I feel like I have a phobia of the phone when it comes to doing this. But it has to be done and I have to do it...so in April hopefully I will.

5. My tax return...it's nice when I see that the federal and state government give me back a fraction of what I give to them every two weeks from my check.

Bring it on April, Bring it on.

I'm Obssessed With...

2009-03-22T22:40:00.004-05:00

I'm currently obsessed with...

1. Checking other people's blogs. What I love about blogger, is that when I look at my blog, I can also tell from the blogs I read who has updated there blog. I love keeping updated on others lives and reading there blogs is a wonderful way to do it. My only complaint is that I want everyone to blog everyday...it's such a thrill when I see a new one has posted (almost as wonderful as when I get comments).

2. "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I decided to watch download an episode from I-tunes to watch, after all I do enjoy the occasional teeny bopper television show (i.e. One Tree Hill, The O.C., Friday Night Lights), and now I'm hooked. The dialogue is sometimes cheesy but who can't love the sociopath Ricky (I'm not sure I've ever watched a show that takes pride in having a character be a sociopath and yet you can't help but fall for his charming nature...I've known this guy, you've known this guy, hopefully you didn't date this guy (but I'm going to bet you've made out with this guy)), the naive Ben (what guy wants to get married at 15 to a girl pregnant with another guys baby who you dated approximately five minutes before telling her you loved her and ten before asking her to marry you? I don't know but you can't help but feel like he's sincere about it which is a feat since it's so unrealistic), and the smarter than anyone in the room 13 year old sister Ashley (she's not just around for comic relief...she's the voice of sanity on the show). I love it and every night before I go to bed I watch an episode (or two, or three if I can't fall asleep)....I highly recommend it.

3. The new pants I had to order from The Limited. Copy and paste the following link to see them:

http://www.thelimited.com/detail/drew-palazzo-wideleg/6774913/professional/pants

(I've give up on trying to get blogger to recognize websites...I've made it work before but it takes a while and I'm not in the mood to try right now). I saw them with Angie while we were shopping yesterday and fell in love. They are this light material with wide legs that scream "I'm comfortable, please wear me" yet I still have the ability to wear them to work...I'm in love. However, they didn't have my size, so when I went to Woodfield I looked at the Limited there...and they still didn't have my size. So as soon as I got home today, I ordered them and in a few days I should be able to wear them...I'm too excited for words.

4. Facebook. Okay, I've been obsessed with this website for a while, but I love being able to find out what other people are doing that I haven't seen for years. It's always interesting and neat to be able to catch up with people and see what they're doing with there lives. Plus, it's an incredible time waste...and sometimes a girl just has to waste some time.

5. Greek Yogurt. I heard all about it in magazines for at least a year before I could actually find it in the store. It's delicious and what makes it better is just a little bit of honey. It's the perfect breakfast and I gotta say I was lost before I found it...I just didn't know I was lost ;)

6. Vera Bradley. I love this brand and I just bought a big bag for work to go with my purse. But it gets better...Vera Bradley now has sunglasses and flip flops (the two loves of my life)...it's like I died and went to heaven. I'm on the call list for Crimson Ridge when they get the two in (I could order them from the website but really who wants to pay shipping?) and when I get that call it's going to be a fabulous day for me (my wallet might tell a different story....but it's gonna be a good day).

7. American Idol. I heart Anoop...when he say "You Were Always On My Mind" last week...my heart melted (I've got a soft spot in my heart for him and Willie Nelson...what can I say). I didn't really start watching this show consistantly until last season, and now I'm hooked. Everyweek I tune in and wonder, what's the theme tonight, how many times will Randy say "You killed it Dawg", will Paula Abdule be able to string words together and form a sentence that makes sense.... I find myself overly involved emotionally (I was UPSET when Simon told Alexis that the judges may save her only to tell her after she sang her little heart out that it wasn't good enough. I mean duh, is it really going to be good enough if you didn't like the song choice last night? Let's be real and not be cruel...don't say you're thinking of saving her if that's not goin to happen). Let me repeat, I'm obsessed.

8. Luke Bryant's new song "Sorority Girl". I'm a country fan and I really enjoy Luke Bryant. I'm also a sorority girl at heart, and even though it leaves out my sorority (I just sing AOII instead of ADII...it's my way of dealing with the obvious issue with the song) I just can't help but love a song whose lyrics go something like this "You drive your little love bug when your skipping class, and your sisters get you home when your drunk off your ass". Download it folks it's a keeper. And while your downloading that song, download "I Love College" too, cause that's a guilty pleasure as well ("I am a champion at beer pong"...come on what's not to love?).

Ever Day Can't Be Easy

2009-03-22T21:13:00.003-05:00

I'm having a rough weekend. Matt was supposed to be home this weekend and then on Friday...that changed. He's now supposed to be back sometime next week. I haven't seen him for two weeks already and three weeks seems like a ridiculous amount of time for someone to work without a day off...but I digress. So never fear, dear Facebook and Blogger friends, I'm okay, just not happy. I've seen him a total of six days in seven weeks...I miss him a lot, he's my best friend and he keeps me sane. As pathetic as it sounds I daily feel as if I'm missing my right arm when he's gone, which I guess is why I'm marrying him, I just didn't need this experience to know that I can't live without him...I've been there, done that, and already knew I didn't really want to do it again. To top it off, my old friend insomnia is back and hitting me harder than ever, so Ali minus sleep does not make a happy or rational Ali.

Anyway, I have this new fantasy job I discovered last week when I was getting my nails done. I'd like to name colors of nail polish for OPI. If you don't love the names of the nail polish something is wrong with you...they always make me smile. What's not to love about "I'm not really a waitress", or "It's Greek to me", or even "Sally and the lifeguard". It sounds like a fun and creative job that would be upbeat and never get boring. I think when I grow up, it's what I want to do. Let's call it Ali's personal pipe dream.

I've also gotten a few more things done on the wedding front, I try to do one thing every week...which has worked pretty well thus. I've gotten my bridesmaid dresses, we did that the week before last. The dresses are in two different styles for the four ladies in the wedding. They're in the same color and material so they match but allow a little variation to make it a little less than typical...I think it looks great and I'm really excited about it. Additionally, today my mom and I went to Woodfield and found her a mother of the bride's dress in a pretty brown that makes her look like a model (ok, my mom always looks like a model but this dress looks really wonderful on her). This next week I'm going to try a book a limo, the hotel for the night of the wedding, and make an appointment with the florist to meet with her. Wish me luck, I have high hopes.

Things will get better...I just need to wait it out for a little while.

Common Sense

2009-03-17T22:47:00.003-05:00

Dear Governor Quinn,

We're in a recession. The media sometimes likes to call it a depression. The word economy is mentioned at least twenty times in a thirty minute local news cast. I get it times are tough.

What annoys me is Illinois government, you in particular, feel like making it tougher.

Read my lips...NO NEW TAXES!

I don't want my income tax raised 50% so you can deduct 4.5% of my wages...news flash, here in the great state of Illinois we already have higher taxes here than most states. A 3% income tax is enough thank you very much.

I'm not sure why you can't balance the budget, but the way I see it, every year we play chicken. The Illinois' government tells the tax payers that not only do we not have a budget but it's not going to be balanced. And let me tell you, Governor Quinn, this phenomena is baffling to us simple tax paying folks because we thought ya'll were salaried and where we come from you continue to work until the task at hand is done before you get to go home. See here in the real world, we don't get to recess and run home even if we don't get our work done. Here in the reality, if you leave your employment for weeks at a time, the "session" doesn't resume when you decide to come back. Rather you will find yourself in the unemployment line without a job and possibly without food or shelter. And no, we don't have a complementary governor's mansion to crash at when times get tough.

Yet every year the Illinois Government finds a way to spend more money, pass a "budget", and tax my income. Not to mention everything I purchase with that income and the gas I buy so I can make my income. Now all of a sudden, times are tough and you want more money to "balance" the budget. My advice to you is to cut back on your spending...that's the way we balance a budget here in the real world. We don't go back to our bosses if we spend our income before we get paid again and ask for more.

Further, you know that whole transparency in government thing you're talking about. It's really good political speech, but us tax payers are more concerned with the money you're taking from us than your press release the same day on the need for the government to be transparent. 'Cause guess what, we know your a politician and your definition of transparency will always be different than ours and rhetoric won't feed our families.

Please get some common sense, try talking to the common folk, and please stop turning me, a card carrying democrat, into a republican. Word to the wise, we know you didn't get elected this time for the job since the former governor was corrupt but you will have to get elected next time and this 50% income tax increase isn't going to make us vote for you or any of your friends in Springfield.

Sincerely,
A Constituent

It's Amazing What A Day Can Do

2009-03-17T15:57:00.004-05:00

I think my best quality is the ability to be be resilient. Often I imagine myself in a pink bunny suit hitting a drum over and over again, like the energizer bunny, marching through life. Whatever life throws at me, I just keep marching and hitting that damn drum, whether I'm happy, sad, or ready to break my drum sticks. On days like today, I remember why that quality is so important.

It's sunny and 70 degrees today, I wore flip flops and drove around with the sun roof in my car open. It was wonderful. I had a doctor's appointment so I left work early and had a little time to myself to reflect and remember why life is beautiful...particularly why my life is beautiful.

A little back story. I've been running around for the last couple weeks on empty. I've been working a lot of hours, I was deathly ill last week and last weekend, I miss Matt terribly, and I've been generally unhappy. I just haven't felt balanced at all and my attitude has sucked. I've felt like I can't control anything, life is pushing me around, and catastrophe is looming (and the Nicor bill that came in the mail Friday night that informed me they hadn't read my meter for five months and I owed them $300.00 within two weeks really didn't help much either)

But today I was able to put those feelings away and just enjoy the moment. I was able to push pass my career disappointments and remember I'm not my job, I'm more than my job, and my title and status for eight hours a day is just that...a title and a status that are words but aren't who I am. That the only box I'm in is the one I create for myself and put myself in.

I was able to put aside the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop and put on shoes I like to wear. I was able to figure out how to go around the obstacles or jump over them even when those obstacles seem to fall from the sky.

I was able to be my best self even when just yesterday I was ready to go over the cliff to keep myself from continuing to bang on the drum. I just need to remind myself that I have the ability to change my outlook and perception and it's really amazing what a day can, in fact, do for me.

I Understand Why People Elope

2009-03-08T17:10:00.006-05:00

I haven't really blogged about the upcoming wedding planning...let's just say I understand why people elope. I have found in the last month that planning a wedding is an overwhelming effort for those of us that work (that whole 8 to 5 or in my case 8 to whenever I drag myself away from my desk or the jury gets back makes it difficult to meet with people who work from 10 to 5 during the day) and don't have an endless supply of money (I just keep saying it's a day, a great day, but I'd like to be able to walk away from the day with the ability to eat the next one). So I'll tell you a little about my adventure thus far.

1. Finding a reception site for a wedding. This is the very first thing I did. I called about 25 places over two days. Her's a tip for all you future brides, if your looking for a reception site and it isn't at least (emphasis on at least) a year out your going to have people laugh at you when you tell them the date of your wedding. The typical conversation I had with vendors (and I had the same conversation approximately 25 times over two days) was "You're getting married October 10th of 2009?" followed by laughter. Additionally the five places that were open for that date, a mere eight months away at that time, all ranged in price from 60.00 dollars a plate to 20 dollars a plate...and most places that plate price didn't include renting the site. So after a lot of searching, in those two days because I had to get on this if I wanted to get married this year, I was finally able to find a place that suited my budget as well as my tastes...but those two days weren't pretty. I'm very excited for my reception now, but it was touch and go for a little bit there.

2. Finding a place to get married. In Winnebago County, you have two choices on where you get married, a church or outside. And October is also a strange month in the midwest where you never know what kind of day your going to have. So we have opted for the church. We just had to find one that didn't make us do a large amount of pre-marital counseling because frankly Matt and I can't tell you when were both not going to be working...and it seems as if they want us both there when the counseling takes place ;) So we've found a church and a minister who will work with us and we're very happy.

3. Photographers... What can I say, it's kinda been like searching for a needle in a haystack where $3000.00 dollars seems to be the magic number. I'm really into pictures and I wanted someone who would work with my type A self to achieve exactly what I wanted plus I really wanted to be able to make my own wedding book with my pictures on Shutterfly (I have this coffee table book I did that with that I'm in love with over the summer). So lucky for me I found this photographer who does it on the side that's amazing. He did my friend Jessica's wedding and made her gorgeous self look just as gorgeous in the pictures he took. I get rights to my own pictures and I get exactly what I want. He's really easy to contact (he's all about the e-mail like I am) and I couldn't be happier. He's also going to do videography for the wedding as well and I'm really excited about that extra since I didn't know if I was going to do that or not. If you want to check out his site it's: http://www.ramsdenphotography.com/

4. Wedding dress shopping, the best day thus far of planning my wedding. I went with my mom to David's Bridal and we had an awesome time trying on dresses. The previous day we stopped at another local store and tried on a few which made me scared I would never find a dress because nothing looked right. But the staff I great there and after a couple hours I found the dress of my dreams. It's traditional yet really me and if you want the link to look at it e-mail me and I'll send it to you. I decided to go with ivory and got some awesome shoes dyed to match. All I have to buy now is the veil (I'm kinda particular and wasn't sure about the veil so decided to keep looking). My dress should come in during the middle of May, yes May, it can take up to 20 weeks for a dress to come in which seems strange to me but I'm new to this whole bridal business thing.

5. Florists. I think we're going to go with a florist in the town where we're having our ceremony. It's the only place I went where the lady working there was polite and seemed excited about working with me. I know it's a business but it's nice when you get to work with someone who at least acts like they care about your wedding. I'm planning on going back in a few weeks with a swatch from the bridesmaids dresses (and in case your wondering the dresses most likely will be dark purple and our accent color will be orange...very October)

6. The wedding party. We finally have our wedding party cemented down and I'm really excited about getting to spend time with all of them. My maid of honor is already rocking it out. I get e-mails all the time from her about planning and she has already saved the day once in the last four weeks. My bridesmaids and I are going dress shopping Friday night (David's Bridal is no place for the faint of heart on a Saturday or Sunday) and I'm so excited. I've narrowed it down to 7 or 8 dresses and I think we're going to have a whole lot of fun. I'll let you know more about our adventures in bridesmaid dress shopping next week

7. Up ahead. I still need to get a DJ, pick out a cake, rent a limo, figure out my centerpieces for the tables, and pick up the odds and the ends. I try to do at least one large task a week...which can be hard with trials (I've done 4 in two months and will be starting a 5th tommorrow morning). Put I'm moving ahead and I'm starting to enjoy myself more now that I've gotten the reception and wedding site part out of the way. I'll keep you updated.

If Only I Had The Time

2009-02-24T18:45:00.008-06:00

I find myself daily wishing I had time to do the things I want to do. Time seems to be this elusive little devil that slips away quickly when I have a little of it free yet lingers when I'm at work. I keep making jokes that if Matt and I have to do pre-marital counseling we're going to have to it individually because of our schedules...and then I recognized that it wasn't so much of a joke as it was a reality. So I decide to challenge myself and think about all the different things I coulda, shoulda, woulda do if only I had the time.

1. I'd go see the movies I keep saying I want to see...I have a complete list. He's Not That Into You, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, Push, Coraline...all at the movie theater all just waiting to be seen.

2. I'd read the American Wife. I bought it in December and I'm ashamed that as an avid reader who really wants to read this novel and loves this author I have failed to do so. Not to mention I'd read Honeymoon in Tehran which I hear is wonderful as well.

3. I'd blog more. I love reading my past posts. It reminds me where I was in my life when I wrote it and who I was...I started blogging almost five years ago...that's a lot of life for a 27 year old. But as my time constraints shackle me, I post less and thus just don't have that personal record I enjoy so much.

4. I'd go to the gym more. Now I know I'm making excuses and I try to go at least twice a week, but when I have limited time my couch seem so much for tempting than the treadmill.

5. I'd live in the moment. I don't do this, ever, I'm always thinking about what I have to do next. Okay, maybe I'm lying to myself because I'm type A and I'm not sure I have the ability to do this...but Lord, I'd like the time to try.

6. I'd use my Netflix account...properly. I've had disc one of the first season of The Wire for a month and another movie since before Christmas...

7. I'd de-clutter my closet. I'm going to have to do this eventually...Matt may want some closet space and I have at least a rack of clothing I no longer wear. It's going to be a project and I need some time to do it in.

8. I'd donate the books I've had in my garage all packed up and ready to go to the library...but I work when the library is open...and I need to make time to donate them.

9. I'd try to stop being tired all the time. I'm always tired and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired but I don't think there is a twelve step program for this problem.

10. I'd return personal phone calls and e-mails and maybe just make some on my own. I've become horrible about doing the former and really should try to do the later (cause you have to be a friend to have a friend).

What would you do if you only had the time?

I just don't want to look back and regret this month or year or even day because I didn't do anything that made me happy...I don't know maybe it's just time to try something new or do things differently...cause this doesn't seem to be working. I want to believe life is beautiful and I want to be able to cherish my days...but life is turning into my own version of No Exit and I'm not really sure if the rat race is for me anymore. I guess sometimes it's about having the courage to fix your life when you recognize it's broken and I'm not sure I'm there yet.

I'm Bringing Blogging Back.

2009-02-14T23:34:00.003-06:00

Ladies and Gentleman, please turn of the song "Sexy Back" and sing with me "I'm bringing blogging back"...that felt good now didn't it?

So I've been using live journal for as long as I can remember...but it's so circa 2004 and I need a new format. One where I can post pictures along with my posts, use templates to decorate my blog, and one that allows me even to use bullet points whenever I feel (as I do think in outline format since I was indoctrinated with it throughout law school). So if you like what you read here and what to go back to my roots...my old blog is still there and feel free to visit it. Just click on this link and it'll be like going home. http://ali-chronicles.livejournal.com/

Just trust me this is the start of something good.