Baby Mayan

My friend from law school asked me to post this message. Please keep Baby Mayan and her family in your thoughts and prayers!

Baby Mayan is three months old and is about to leave to Chicago to see a number of doctors and specialists. She has three health concerns that have been weighing on us (and her) and we are excited and nervous about getting them treated. What is wrong with baby Mayan? She has an orbital hemangioma (fancy name for a collection of blood vessels near her eye) that is growing fast. This mass is putting pressure on her eye, which has pushed it out of shape to such an extent that she cannot see very well. If we do not treat this soon there is the risk that she will never be able to see out of that eye. Therefore, we are taking her to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago to have it treated by their dermatology specialists. Please pray for her as this procedure involves a number of tests (some that need to be performed under anesthesia) and a brief hospitalization. As her mommy, I am nervous for her, but trusting that God will look after this precious little one.

On a less scary note, but still worrisome, Mayan has been having diarrhea since July 10th with no end in sight. She is going to be worked up by the gastroenterologists at Children's Memorial Hospital as well, to see if they can find a solution. I would LOVE to be able to feed her something that does not make her little tummy hurt and give her diarrhea. She is thriving... but very sad after meals and has terrible diapers. That can't be right. Also, Mayan squeaks. Yes. You heard that right. More technically speaking she has strider, and we are not sure if it is due to tracheomalacia or a laryngeal hemangioma. Because of this she is going to have to have some tests done to make sure her airway is clear. Not fun. Involves putting a scope down her nose and looking into her throat and down into her lungs. She had it done once before and I had to hold her during the procedure. Not looking forward to that again.

If you would be willing to pray for our sweet baby Mayan I know that our family would be SO grateful! I created a blog that will keep people up to date on what is going on with her as we travel and get treatment performed this month. The address is: http://mayansadventure.blogspot.com/

Because My Life Didn't End After I Said My Vows

I haven't blogged in forever. In the blogosphere enviroment, last October/November is forever (don't roll your eyes at my exaggeration). Lots has happened since I took the plunge and got married. A quick list of what has happened just to catch everyone up:

Matt and I went on our honeymoon to Riviera Maya in October. Our resort was fantastic and the food was fancy and we had a swim out room. Snorkeling in Mexico is on the list as one of the best days of my life, much to Matt's surprise who couldn't believe that I loved something like that so much (nor really could I since nature and I have never really seen eye to eye). We celebrated my 28th birthday there by fittingly dining on sushi and stirfry at the resort's Japanese restuarant. It was perfect and Matt planned it almost all on his own while traveling the entire summer for work (I think he was home maybe a total of two weeks before the week of our wedding).

As soon as we got back, I got started the name change process which still wakes me up in the middle of the night in terror. It sucks folks and sometimes I still sign the wrong last name but all in all I'm very happy to be Alicia Oliver Leonard. I dropped my middle name and subbed in my
maiden name because I just couldn't part with it (as sappy and pathetic as it may be, there's something about Oliver being in my name that makes me feel close to my dad) and I never liked my middle name (I mean Paulette is something out of a 50's movie...no offense to anyone whose name is Paulette, I'm sure you're lovely, it just didn't fit me). Note this confuses a lot of people but hell when didn't my name not confuse others? (My first name is spelled like Alicia, pronounced my Alyssa, and my whole life I've gotten used to responding to any variation that starts with the first two letters). No, it's not hyphenated and yes you can abandon your middle name, I promise. I've done everything but change my passport...which I need to do but have been dragging my feet because I don't want to take another passport photo. I'm attached to my old one, but I digress.

In November, we bought a Minature Schnauzer on impulse that we fell in love with, named her Cortana after a character in Halo, and became proud puppy parents. She's changed my world for the better and I didn't think it was possible to love a puppy as much as I love her (and yes, I'm sorry for teasing my friends with pets for constantly gushing about their dog and making fun of doggie daycare because Cortana goes at least once a week). She makes me optimistic and brave and I figured if I could get through potty training her truimphantly, I could do anything. Which leads me to what I decided to do in January.

In January, I quit my job as a prosecutor. Yes, I quit my job in the worst economy since the Great Depression and decided to chase a dream I didn't really know I had until one day I started talking to Matt about what maybe I could do someday. And then someday became today, and I decided that if I was ever going to try now was the time to do it, before I had kids or a mortgage that got in the way and while I had a husband who believed in me and had a steady job to help keep us afloat and if I failed...I failed but at least I tried right, right? Okay let me cut to chase because I know the suspense is killing you, I opened up my own law practice.

Alicia Oliver Leonard at Law, P.C. (it has a nice ring to it if I do say so myself) was born on March 15, 2010 after spending a couple months trying to figure out how to incorporate myself and watching bad daytime tv (Maury, I'm no longer interested in who the father is...you've done that show like 20 million times already...and yet I watch it if I'm flipping through the channels after getting sick of the ladies on The View fighting about the travesty of Shannon Doherty being eliminated on Dancing with Stars). I'm focusing on what I know, criminal law, and what I was always interested in during law school, family law. And I'm excited, and overwhelmed, and terrified, but at least someday, no matter what the outcome is, I'll be able to say that I never let fear, or anything else for that matter, stop me from chasing a dream . And I think that's something that will matter in ten years to me and really there are so few things I do in my daily life that will really matter later in my life.

So now it's April, and the weather is beautiful (but it could still snow, I do live in Illinois) and my days are filled with building my business, playing with Cortana, and hanging out with my husband when he's not working. I think you could say "And they lived happily ever after", even though there are still days that aren't happy, or perfect, or bearable, because life is about the journey and I think I'm on the right road.

Our Vows

I got a lot of feedback about our vows after the wedding and thought I would post them. Originally, Matt and I were going to write our own vows and reveal them on the wedding day during the ceremony. This idea made Matt literally want to break out into hives and after some discussion we worked on our vows together (i.e. he sat with me while I combined vows I found I liked and added in some of my own flair and approved the final copy). So here they are:

I, Alicia Paulette Oliver, promise you, Matthew Donald Leonard, to love and care for you and try in every way to be worthy of your love
I promise to encourage your compassion, because that is what makes you unique and wonderful
I promise to nurture your dreams, because through them your soul shines
I promise to help shoulder our challenges, for there is nothing we cannot face if we stand together
I promise to be your partner in all things, not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole
I will always laugh with you in the good times and the bad times and remember every moment I spend with you is precious
I promise to you that love, trust, and honesty will be the basis of our relationship, for one lifetime with you could never be enough.
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things.

Ring Ceremony:

Take this ring as a sign of my love and affection and the vows I have spoken today. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side, that I will always be a faithful partner to you, and that I will love you now and forever.

The Tie That Binds

Sometimes we look back, at the people we once knew and wonder what would it be like if I knew you now. What would your life be like if that person was in it? I'm a firm believer people drift in and out of our lives for a reason. They teach us lessons and leave or maybe they teach us lessons and go...but they all teach us lessons. And some of my greatest life lessons have been taught by people that frankly I'm probably not going to talk to again.

I've read a lot of articles about how Facebook, as a social network, makes us feel more connected to people. That really the idea of friending people and let's face it stalking them online actually makes us more socially detached. We're spending time watching others, maybe not even communicating with them, when we could be spending that time communicating with the people who are actually still in our lives. But I think the real reason people often friend people who they haven't seen forever, people who have faded from there lives, is that they're curious. Curious about that person's life, who that person has become without them being there.

I think we're all kinda narcisstic. Our lives revolve around ourselves mostly, every once in a while around someone else, but mostly it's all about our selfish selves. Internally, I think we all wonder about how we have impacted other people's lives and how they live with out us. Admit it, you've spent passing moments, maybe hours of your life, thinking about whether that long lost love still thinks about you, what they did the day after you left or they left (maybe what they did the month or year after). Heck, I bet you've wondered that about people who you've dated for like minute. And why do we do this?

We all want to believe we've changed the people around us, even if they're no longer around us. We're curious kittens who like to see what people are doing without really being in their lives and Facebook is a nice little fishbowl that has been created to allow you to this without communicating (even though it is ironically a social network). It's the tie that binds us all to every person we've ever met...How did I impact you? What do you do without me in your world? Did I ever matter enough to you to effect you when I'm no longer there? It's heartbreaking really when you think about it.

Pardon Me While I Get A Bit Snarky

Every once in a while, even Little Miss Sunshine decides to look at the world and be like WTF. Today, I'm going there.

1. If you drive a two seated convertable, I'm going to make a few conclusions about you without knowing anything about you at all. 1) You're probably having a midlife crisis 2) Most likely your a pretentious person 3) Both 1 and 2 could possibly apply to you at the same time. I always see middle aged men driving these cars bald head gleaming possibly with a middle aged woman with a baseball cap and I just want to scream "Who exactly do you think your kidding? Not me buddy, not me." This car is usually not red, no they want to be more subtle. Opting for silver or black, they think that no one will notice they're not twenty-five, or hot, or interesting, but dear two seated convertable owner, I'm on to you. You, my friend (heck, you're not my friend, I'm making fun of you), are in the middle of a midlife crisis. Save your money, go to therapy, you will never be in your twenties again.

2. The Rockford Register Star. If you live in R-town, you'll understand what I'm about to snark about. The writing is terrible, the facts in the stories are worse, sometimes when I've gone to an event they have written about I wonder if the reporter majored in fictional writing. Now, I'm a lawyer, I don't think there's such thing as an unbiased resitation of any fact pattern, but let's at least try to pretend, since last time I checked that's what journalists strive to do (that's what they "take pride in"). Headlines like "Backers: Firefighter being treated unfairly" and "200 in March 'Want Justice'" probably don't convey that whole unbiased thing your going for. Not to mention, the Editorial Board hates public workers which leads me to my next snarky remark.

3. I know the Economy sucks. I get it. However, I don't understand for the life of me why we must take so many pot shots at anyone who works for the government. Here's the deal, those government workers when the economy is good don't get raises and bonuses like the folks out there in the public sector. No one leads the charge to raise our pay. But let me tell you, as soon as the economy tanks, all I hear is how everyone wants the people with government jobs to suffer just as badly as they are. Guess what folks, even when the economy is bad, you still make more than I do at my little government job. Try to hire a lawyer who will work for roughly $25.00 an hour and if they work more than forty hours a week, which they all do, make less than that hourly. I challenge you to go call an attorney and ask if they will work for that hourly. My bet is that they A) laugh till they cry and/or B) hang up on you. And if you want the market forces to work in the criminal justice system people, business is booming as the economy is tanking. There's more business, more work, so if we look at it as a business, everyone in the criminal justice system should make more. Bottom line, don't be a hater.

4. I promise Obama is not trying to euthanize your grandmother. Health care should be a right not a privilege and as someone who has health insurance let me enlighten everyone else that also has it. Until we do something to reform the current health care situation, those with health insurance will continue to pay for those who don't have it and be at the mercy of people who want nothing more than to try to figure out how not to pay out to providers and stick you with the cost as well. I keep hearing I don't want the government between me and my doctor, folks, right now we have your health insurance provider between you and your doctor. Reform is needed, we can all agree on that. Let's take that common ground we have and work for a solution without worrying about which party is going to get the credit for it or how much you like or dislike President Obama.

5. Customer service...it makes me want to come back to your business. What doesn't make me want to come back to your business and spend my hard earned albeit little money. If you're a hostess at Chili's your entire job is to welcome me to the restaurant and seat me as quickly as possible. It's not acceptable to tell me "Just a minute" after you've been three feet away from me in a lobby with only one other couple (sitting down waiting to be sat) for the last five minutes (you've already had just a minute) and when you ask where I want to sit because it would be in your best interest not to make some snotty retort back to me when I point out that there are plenty of open seats I can visually see in both the dining room and the bar. I don't want to come back to Chili's to eat in the restaurant (I'll just order out my food from there and you won't see my money when you get tipped out by the servers later that night) and odds are I'm probably going to tell your manager how you can't even say "Hello, Welcome to Chili's" when I walked through the door. Additionally, if I'm calling your business I expect to A) not have it ring 25 times before you answer B)Talk to a human being C) to be transferred to the right department D)for that phone not to have to ring 25 or more times before someone answers or I finally have to start the process over because I can't stand to hear the phone ring one more time. Dear Walmart, you failed that test miserable as well as your other axises of evil such as Comcast, Nicor, and ComEd.

So there's a little bit of snark for you, sometimes it just feels good to let it out.

What's In A Name?

My whole life I've had a love/hate relationship with my name. As a child, I was constantly picked on for it. As an adult, I've made it my own. But throughout my life, it's really been a huge part of my identity.

My name started out as a story I've been told and will tell my children (if I ever have them). Both my parents were very close to their grandmothers. My mother took care of her grandmother throughout her adolscence. She gave up her bed for her and sleeping on the couch in the living room for years so she could be more comfortable and in exchange her grandmother gave her attention and love that my mom had never known before in her turbulant short life. Her grandmother's name was Alice (and coincidentially enough her other grandmother's name was Allison).

My father had a close relationship with is grandmother as well. He spent the summers with her in Kentucky every year and for an airforce brat, her home was a safe haven for him where he could just be a kid. She was probably the most influential adult my dad ever had and I think in a lot of ways she made him the man who was a wonderful father to me. As a side note, my mother also adored my great grandmother.

So to make a long story short, they both wanted to name me after there grandmothers...and decided since they couldn't name me after either, they wouldn't name me after anyone. My mother came up with the name Alyssa (spelled like Alicia, but pronounced like Alyssa)...she's a creative lady and did I mention she's smart? After I was born, my dad was talking to a English professor at Rockford College about my name and mentioned the way my mother had chosen to spell it. The professor remarked to him "Oh, did you know that Alicia is Hebrew for Alice". To which my father replied, "Oh....She got me".

As a child, I spent my life correcting teachers and anyone one who would read my name from a piece of paper. I would say "It's not pronounced Alicia, it's pronounced Alyssa". I was teased and harrassed about my name forever, cause that's what kids do. They make fun of anything and everything and this was my cross to bear. In college, I caught on and would tell professors to write my name phoentically on the seating chart or I just would respond to the wrong pronounciation...I knew they were talking to me.

In law school, I took my name into my own hands. I decided that I was going my Ali (my parents had meant that to be my nickname as a kid, it just didn't catch on). I like the way Ali Oliver sounds and Lord, it's easier for everyone involved including me. It confuses people I grew up with and my college friends, but most of them have caught on and humored me.

Now as I prepare to get married, my name is going to change again and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean I love the idea of being a family with Matt and if I do ever have children I'd like to have the same last name. But all the things I've earned, those pieces of paper framed on my wall in my office all say Alicia Paulette Oliver...not Alicia Oliver Leonard. I've worked long and hard professionally to be known and I wonder if I'm giving up something by changing my name.

Now I know they're are benefits and I know relationships are about sacrifices, but I can't help wondering "Are we, as women, giving up our identity for the sake of tradition?" and "Am I compromising who I am publically because it's what our society does?" Part of who I am, something I cling to, is the radical idea that women and men are made equally and should be treated equally. I'm a feminist in every sense of the word. I have a career I take pride in (and btw I think being a stay at home mom is a career that women should take pride in too...it's way more work than I can ever dream of), I've lived on my own, I have a quote posted on the inside of my door about the pay gap between men and women...and I'm changing my name while Matt is keeping his intact.

And let's all be honest, it's not fair (though what in life is?). I don't know any man who's taken his wife's last name and left his completely behind (though I have known one man who changed his name and adopted his wife's last name along with keeping his own). I'm going to have to make a million phone calls and fill out a million forms when I change it (I'll change every account I have personally and professionally) and Matt's going to have to go talk to HR at work to change his marital status and emergency contact. It's a societal double standard and I'm playing into that...so I feel conflicted, but I'm doing it anyway.

I'm not hypenating because frankly I don't want to write that much out (and I'll still have to legally change it).

I'm not complaining (nothing makes me happier than marrying Matt), I'm discussing...why as women are we obligated to change something so concrete to our identity for the sake of forming a family?

Last week was the anniversary of women getting the right to vote in the United States...it's a proud day that should be celebrated by everyone throughout the country. It was the beginning that allowed every woman in the USA to dream of being seen as more than property but as a person with a voice, a dream, and a goal. Everyone is allowed to make there own decisions but let's have a discussion about why we make the choices we do because so many women fought for years to allow us to have a voice.

To me there's something about the idea of sharing a last name that cements the foundation of forming a family...it's attractive and frightening and new. But like most decisions there's drawbacks that I've thought a lot about. I think at the end of the day, I'm going to change my name and that's going to change me a little. In the end, it's about taking chances for better or for worse...but this one's for better

Fearless

I just saw the movie "Julie and Julia" which I loved. Meryl (yes we're on a first name basis) gives a wonderful performance as Julia Child and Amy Adams is adorable as Julie Powell the lost wide eyed governmental worker who loves to cook and learns to blog. I'd recommend it, though, it might be a good rental since it would be nice to be able to drink a glass of wine along with the movie (I was craving a glass of wine as I watched Julia eat French food).

The idea of the movie is that people can be who they aspire to be after all "Julia Child wasn't always Julia Child" and for a late twenty-something this is a message that inspires hope. I went to the movie with two of my favorite people, Beth Hoffmann and Laura Hunt. Beth and Laura are two fabulous wonderful super cool ladies who happen to be lawyers...who happen to be lawyers who are brave enough to start there own practices.

Now ladies and gentlemen (if there are any gentlemen who read my blog and I guess by saying ladies I'm assuming someone reads my blog...which might really be a fallacy but anyways), if your not a lawyer you might not know how much bravery it takes to start your own practice (something I'm not brave enough to do...and probably won't ever be brave enough to do). But these ladies are fearless.

Beth is working on a immigration practice and hearing about all the things involved in immigration law never ceases to amaze me (I'm literally in awe when I hear her speak about green cards and all that jazz). Her website isn't up yet...but as soon as it is I'll post it...because not only is she brave, she's intelligent and hardworking and if your looking for someone in immigration law she's your lady.

Laura is opening up a general practice doing a little bit of everything (criminal, trusts and estates, real estate. etc). She's equally fabulous not to mention fearless. She's working on her website (which already rocks) so go check it out at www.laurahuntlaw.com .

So yes, I'm bragging about my wonderful friends, I'm allowed to do that on my blog and they inspire me...but really think about it, whose the person you've dreamed you could be and what's stopping you from being that person? Everyone whose famous or really good at what they do, once upon a time, they weren't famous or really good at what they did. They just kept working at it, fearlessly, and it happened. Someone told me this week that we only have one life and we need to enjoy living it...we need to be fearless in living it.

Now the obvious question is....Ali whose the person you've dreamed of being and what's stopping you? And why is that the question...because it's my blog and let's face it blogs by there very nature are narcissistic and self absorded. The answer...I have no idea. I kind of think I've yet to find something I'm really good at. That thing that sets me apart from other people and that I'm confident about and passionate about and I could really live for. But I'm going to keep on trying to find it because at forty it wasn't too late for Julia Child to find her passion and at twenty-seven it's not to late to figure out what I'm meant to be.