Where Would I Be Without You

There's nothing like a glass of wine to take on a trip down memory lane...tonight I'm allowing myself one. A fragmented, stream of consciousness, it's been a long strange trip kind of journey that maybe helps me (and you make sense of who the hell I am, or at least who the hell I think I am)

There's this Eric Church song I really like (and bonus if you can name it) that says " I never woulda made it this far on my own. Where would we all be without those, fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, the friends I’ve made, the long lost lovers? I wouldn’t be who I am today, if not for those I’ve loved along the way along the way." Hint the name of the song is listed in the lyrics.

I digress, I'm three months away from getting married to the man of my dreams...he's normal, and wonderful, and somehow think I'm special...in a good way (and I secretly have a feeling that the people who know us wonder how I was lucky enough to manage to end up with him...but somehow I did). But I'm not the person I was three years ago, or seven years ago, or ten years ago...and the people around me have forever changed me...I'd like to say even for the better ;)

Romantic relationships change us and shape us and I've learned a few things that helped me find Mr. Right...who maybe started out even at Mr. Right Now but ended up as Mr. Right Forever.

1. If you can't be yourself, your clingy, at your worst, I don't get how someone could ever love me self, your not with the right person. The right person sees the crazy, maybe is scared of the crazy, but sticks around because they can't imagine their life without the crazy. I come with a lot of crazy.

2. Just because someone you love or were in love with did something terrible...it doesn't mean they're a bad person...it doesn't mean you should be with them...but it doesn't mean that everything good they have ever done for you and the times they stood with you when no one else did are cancelled out. Remember that they're is a reason you love, loved, or were in love with them...

3. Just because you love, loved, or were in love with the person described in number 3 doesn't mean that you are never going to find someone wonderful, someone different than the person in number 3...but folks, it's probably going to take a while.

4. A clean break is a good thing. Forget the phone calls after break-ups or the "well were still friend's dinner"...now is the time to take care of yourself. It's over, let it be over.

5. People can have more than one soulmate...I promise you they can. Your soulmates change as you change...give yourself permission to recognize this.

6. Don't ever date your friends ex-boyfriends. It doesn't matter if they're your good friend and you think you know them, there are no excuses here. Not only is it shitty to date your friend's ex because it completely disregards there feelings and makes you less of a person, there is a reason your friend isn't with them and they broke up...it most likely will be the demise of your relationship with that person too. One word heartache all around...don't do it.

7. Love will come to you when you least expect it. You're not going to find it when your looking...it's fun to look but it usually falls out of the sky. In my case, something bad has happened and I'm just trying to escape whatever it is.

8. Give people second chances...let me rephrase this, give people second chances who are worth giving second chances too. This requires listening to your heart and not your head and it's dangerous but do it anyway.

9. People make mistakes, you do too, not every bump along the way is equivalent to nuclear fall out. Give him a break (maybe even give him a break when you're not really upset but you think you should be upset about the situation and you have a choice whether to throw a fit or let it go)...I need to remember this one on the days I'm not drinking a glass of wine ;)

10. At the end of the day, there is always the moment when you know that this is the beginning of the end of your relationship...be brave and face that moment with honesty...it'll be better for both of you in the end even though at the beginning of the end it doesn't feel that way.

11. Sometimes when someone is giving you the run around and you know they don't want to be with you anymore it's best to break up with yourself and end the relationship. I did this once...it worked out well for both of us...well it worked out well for me, I don't think I've spoken to him since I broke up with myself for him.

12. Loving someone is about wanting them to be happy, with or without you (sometimes you learn the biggest lessons in high school afterall)

Good night memory lane...I'm sure you'll strike back another night...but for tonight...good night and good luck

And You Said I Wasn't Creative

This evening, I decided to experiment. Everyone once in a while, I like to toy around in the kitchen and make my own creations. Thus, I tried my hand at a soup...and I have to say I'm very pleased.

I used a carton of chicken broth straight from the grocery store...I needed a trusted base.

Then three blood oranges with a tablespoon of olive oil and some fresh garlic. I put these three ingredients in the food processor and voila...creative and yummy combo. (I've used this of chicken before as a marinade...equally fabulous)

I cut up two green onions and some fresh cilantro.

Combine everything and add some salt.

Super easy, low calorie, delicious soup...I'm kinda proud of myself.

I'm So Over March

I don't know about anyone else...but I'm glad March is over. It's been wet and cold and over all yucky. I'm looking forward to days with flip flops, and tank tops, and shorts that say Pink on the back of them (I own copious amounts of these shorts).

I'm hoping to find in the month of April:

1. Motivation to work out (I do need to fit into a wedding dress in October, and it would be nice if I could look at the pictures later without crying about my weight...not to mention it is fun to go swimming in the summer and not cry when wearing a swim suit...do you notice the whole crying aspect of this?)

2. The ability to separate my work life from my home life and find the proper balance. I'm thinking about doing some reading about mediation and relaxation techniques. I need to try and remember I'm working to live, not living to work. Maybe I should start chanting that like a mantra daily...

3. Some new jeans that I can love as much as the two pairs of jeans that I own that I practically live in (one pair I've had since college and the other pair I bought last year from American Eagle)

4. A DJ...I need to do this ASAP, and I keep putting it off. I hate cold calling people and asking for prices...I feel like I have a phobia of the phone when it comes to doing this. But it has to be done and I have to do it...so in April hopefully I will.

5. My tax return...it's nice when I see that the federal and state government give me back a fraction of what I give to them every two weeks from my check.

Bring it on April, Bring it on.

I'm Obssessed With...

I'm currently obsessed with...

1. Checking other people's blogs. What I love about blogger, is that when I look at my blog, I can also tell from the blogs I read who has updated there blog. I love keeping updated on others lives and reading there blogs is a wonderful way to do it. My only complaint is that I want everyone to blog everyday...it's such a thrill when I see a new one has posted (almost as wonderful as when I get comments).

2. "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". I decided to watch download an episode from I-tunes to watch, after all I do enjoy the occasional teeny bopper television show (i.e. One Tree Hill, The O.C., Friday Night Lights), and now I'm hooked. The dialogue is sometimes cheesy but who can't love the sociopath Ricky (I'm not sure I've ever watched a show that takes pride in having a character be a sociopath and yet you can't help but fall for his charming nature...I've known this guy, you've known this guy, hopefully you didn't date this guy (but I'm going to bet you've made out with this guy)), the naive Ben (what guy wants to get married at 15 to a girl pregnant with another guys baby who you dated approximately five minutes before telling her you loved her and ten before asking her to marry you? I don't know but you can't help but feel like he's sincere about it which is a feat since it's so unrealistic), and the smarter than anyone in the room 13 year old sister Ashley (she's not just around for comic relief...she's the voice of sanity on the show). I love it and every night before I go to bed I watch an episode (or two, or three if I can't fall asleep)....I highly recommend it.

3. The new pants I had to order from The Limited. Copy and paste the following link to see them:

http://www.thelimited.com/detail/drew-palazzo-wideleg/6774913/professional/pants

(I've give up on trying to get blogger to recognize websites...I've made it work before but it takes a while and I'm not in the mood to try right now). I saw them with Angie while we were shopping yesterday and fell in love. They are this light material with wide legs that scream "I'm comfortable, please wear me" yet I still have the ability to wear them to work...I'm in love. However, they didn't have my size, so when I went to Woodfield I looked at the Limited there...and they still didn't have my size. So as soon as I got home today, I ordered them and in a few days I should be able to wear them...I'm too excited for words.

4. Facebook. Okay, I've been obsessed with this website for a while, but I love being able to find out what other people are doing that I haven't seen for years. It's always interesting and neat to be able to catch up with people and see what they're doing with there lives. Plus, it's an incredible time waste...and sometimes a girl just has to waste some time.

5. Greek Yogurt. I heard all about it in magazines for at least a year before I could actually find it in the store. It's delicious and what makes it better is just a little bit of honey. It's the perfect breakfast and I gotta say I was lost before I found it...I just didn't know I was lost ;)

6. Vera Bradley. I love this brand and I just bought a big bag for work to go with my purse. But it gets better...Vera Bradley now has sunglasses and flip flops (the two loves of my life)...it's like I died and went to heaven. I'm on the call list for Crimson Ridge when they get the two in (I could order them from the website but really who wants to pay shipping?) and when I get that call it's going to be a fabulous day for me (my wallet might tell a different story....but it's gonna be a good day).

7. American Idol. I heart Anoop...when he say "You Were Always On My Mind" last week...my heart melted (I've got a soft spot in my heart for him and Willie Nelson...what can I say). I didn't really start watching this show consistantly until last season, and now I'm hooked. Everyweek I tune in and wonder, what's the theme tonight, how many times will Randy say "You killed it Dawg", will Paula Abdule be able to string words together and form a sentence that makes sense.... I find myself overly involved emotionally (I was UPSET when Simon told Alexis that the judges may save her only to tell her after she sang her little heart out that it wasn't good enough. I mean duh, is it really going to be good enough if you didn't like the song choice last night? Let's be real and not be cruel...don't say you're thinking of saving her if that's not goin to happen). Let me repeat, I'm obsessed.

8. Luke Bryant's new song "Sorority Girl". I'm a country fan and I really enjoy Luke Bryant. I'm also a sorority girl at heart, and even though it leaves out my sorority (I just sing AOII instead of ADII...it's my way of dealing with the obvious issue with the song) I just can't help but love a song whose lyrics go something like this "You drive your little love bug when your skipping class, and your sisters get you home when your drunk off your ass". Download it folks it's a keeper. And while your downloading that song, download "I Love College" too, cause that's a guilty pleasure as well ("I am a champion at beer pong"...come on what's not to love?).

Ever Day Can't Be Easy

I'm having a rough weekend. Matt was supposed to be home this weekend and then on Friday...that changed. He's now supposed to be back sometime next week. I haven't seen him for two weeks already and three weeks seems like a ridiculous amount of time for someone to work without a day off...but I digress. So never fear, dear Facebook and Blogger friends, I'm okay, just not happy. I've seen him a total of six days in seven weeks...I miss him a lot, he's my best friend and he keeps me sane. As pathetic as it sounds I daily feel as if I'm missing my right arm when he's gone, which I guess is why I'm marrying him, I just didn't need this experience to know that I can't live without him...I've been there, done that, and already knew I didn't really want to do it again. To top it off, my old friend insomnia is back and hitting me harder than ever, so Ali minus sleep does not make a happy or rational Ali.

Anyway, I have this new fantasy job I discovered last week when I was getting my nails done. I'd like to name colors of nail polish for OPI. If you don't love the names of the nail polish something is wrong with you...they always make me smile. What's not to love about "I'm not really a waitress", or "It's Greek to me", or even "Sally and the lifeguard". It sounds like a fun and creative job that would be upbeat and never get boring. I think when I grow up, it's what I want to do. Let's call it Ali's personal pipe dream.

I've also gotten a few more things done on the wedding front, I try to do one thing every week...which has worked pretty well thus. I've gotten my bridesmaid dresses, we did that the week before last. The dresses are in two different styles for the four ladies in the wedding. They're in the same color and material so they match but allow a little variation to make it a little less than typical...I think it looks great and I'm really excited about it. Additionally, today my mom and I went to Woodfield and found her a mother of the bride's dress in a pretty brown that makes her look like a model (ok, my mom always looks like a model but this dress looks really wonderful on her). This next week I'm going to try a book a limo, the hotel for the night of the wedding, and make an appointment with the florist to meet with her. Wish me luck, I have high hopes.

Things will get better...I just need to wait it out for a little while.

Common Sense

Dear Governor Quinn,

We're in a recession. The media sometimes likes to call it a depression. The word economy is mentioned at least twenty times in a thirty minute local news cast. I get it times are tough.

What annoys me is Illinois government, you in particular, feel like making it tougher.

Read my lips...NO NEW TAXES!

I don't want my income tax raised 50% so you can deduct 4.5% of my wages...news flash, here in the great state of Illinois we already have higher taxes here than most states. A 3% income tax is enough thank you very much.

I'm not sure why you can't balance the budget, but the way I see it, every year we play chicken. The Illinois' government tells the tax payers that not only do we not have a budget but it's not going to be balanced. And let me tell you, Governor Quinn, this phenomena is baffling to us simple tax paying folks because we thought ya'll were salaried and where we come from you continue to work until the task at hand is done before you get to go home. See here in the real world, we don't get to recess and run home even if we don't get our work done. Here in the reality, if you leave your employment for weeks at a time, the "session" doesn't resume when you decide to come back. Rather you will find yourself in the unemployment line without a job and possibly without food or shelter. And no, we don't have a complementary governor's mansion to crash at when times get tough.

Yet every year the Illinois Government finds a way to spend more money, pass a "budget", and tax my income. Not to mention everything I purchase with that income and the gas I buy so I can make my income. Now all of a sudden, times are tough and you want more money to "balance" the budget. My advice to you is to cut back on your spending...that's the way we balance a budget here in the real world. We don't go back to our bosses if we spend our income before we get paid again and ask for more.

Further, you know that whole transparency in government thing you're talking about. It's really good political speech, but us tax payers are more concerned with the money you're taking from us than your press release the same day on the need for the government to be transparent. 'Cause guess what, we know your a politician and your definition of transparency will always be different than ours and rhetoric won't feed our families.

Please get some common sense, try talking to the common folk, and please stop turning me, a card carrying democrat, into a republican. Word to the wise, we know you didn't get elected this time for the job since the former governor was corrupt but you will have to get elected next time and this 50% income tax increase isn't going to make us vote for you or any of your friends in Springfield.

Sincerely,
A Constituent

It's Amazing What A Day Can Do

I think my best quality is the ability to be be resilient. Often I imagine myself in a pink bunny suit hitting a drum over and over again, like the energizer bunny, marching through life. Whatever life throws at me, I just keep marching and hitting that damn drum, whether I'm happy, sad, or ready to break my drum sticks. On days like today, I remember why that quality is so important.

It's sunny and 70 degrees today, I wore flip flops and drove around with the sun roof in my car open. It was wonderful. I had a doctor's appointment so I left work early and had a little time to myself to reflect and remember why life is beautiful...particularly why my life is beautiful.

A little back story. I've been running around for the last couple weeks on empty. I've been working a lot of hours, I was deathly ill last week and last weekend, I miss Matt terribly, and I've been generally unhappy. I just haven't felt balanced at all and my attitude has sucked. I've felt like I can't control anything, life is pushing me around, and catastrophe is looming (and the Nicor bill that came in the mail Friday night that informed me they hadn't read my meter for five months and I owed them $300.00 within two weeks really didn't help much either)

But today I was able to put those feelings away and just enjoy the moment. I was able to push pass my career disappointments and remember I'm not my job, I'm more than my job, and my title and status for eight hours a day is just that...a title and a status that are words but aren't who I am. That the only box I'm in is the one I create for myself and put myself in.

I was able to put aside the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop and put on shoes I like to wear. I was able to figure out how to go around the obstacles or jump over them even when those obstacles seem to fall from the sky.

I was able to be my best self even when just yesterday I was ready to go over the cliff to keep myself from continuing to bang on the drum. I just need to remind myself that I have the ability to change my outlook and perception and it's really amazing what a day can, in fact, do for me.